Rock Collecting

I've been carrying a big bag of rocks slung over my back. They are heavy and cumbersome, but I continue to schlep them about. They are a collection of grievances I have. Each time I feel hurt or offended, I pick a rock up, wishing I could throw it. But, nice girls don't throw rocks, so instead, I write what hurt me on the rock and put it in my bag. They add to my burden, though, and make me tired. Sometimes, they poke through the bag and scrape me. Other times, I can't do the things I want to do because my bag is too heavy or awkward. It especially makes being in relationship difficult--especially with my husband who is responsible for most of the rocks. Those closest to us are often in the position to hurt us most frequently. Two days ago, while reading my Bible and praying, I sensed Jesus drawing my attention to my bag. I don't know how He saw it, I try to put it out of sight when we're together. Sure enough, He wanted to talk about it. He made me open it up and we looked inside. I began to show Him all the things that have hurt me and shared the way I'd been good about not throwing rocks at others. I figured He'd be proud of me for being so good at not retaliating. He just looked sadly at me and said it grieved Him that I felt I needed to hold on to these things and burden myself by carrying them around. That got me to thinking. Why was I holding on to all these hurts and offenses. I guess it was partly because I wanted to remind myself about how righteous I was not to take revenge...which smacks of pride. Another reason was because a part of me feels like choosing to let go of them, through forgiveness, would let the offender off the hook too easily...as if it's really my business how God deals with them anyway. Jesus was so patient and gentle with me as I processed all these thoughts. Mostly, He just pointed out that by holding on to my "rocks of offense", I was only hurting myself and limiting my own progress. He offered to take the whole bag from me. I slowly handed it over (old habits die hard). And guess what? My heart really did feel lighter.