Lately, I've been feeling like I've fallen into a hole of my own making...sort of like I've dug my own grave. Sure, other things take a good scoop out of my time, schedule, energy--but it's my lack of time budgeting that makes those things impactful. Why do I do this to myself? Some of it has to do with the genuine enjoyment I get from being involved in many things....and admittedly, some of it comes just from my apparent inability to say "no." I think all women go through these seasons--times when there have been too many yeses and life begins to feel deep, dirty, messy and confining like, well, a grave. The word taphophobia refers to, "the fear of being buried alive." It actually translates to, "fear of graves." I think I could use some of that in my life--fear of graves of my own making.
So, where do I go from here? I can keep digging. Stupid. I can sit down and cry. Foolish (but tempting). Or I can put down my shovel, look up and ask God to lift me out of this hole I've made. Psalm 40:2 encourages me:
"He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand."
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand."
Boy, could I use that....a firm place to stand. I'm ready to put down the shovel.
