Confessions of a technological ignoramus

I admit, I am technologically something of an ignoramus. There are so many technological features in my life that I have barely a rudimentary understanding of how to operate. We finally got our new computer up and running. Our geek-for-hire politely referred to our old system as [ahem] "geriatric"! True, it was something of a dinosaur, but I will miss having time between downloading pages to make the bed or brush my teeth! It probably sounds like we were still on dial-up, but no, it was a DHL connection. Our old computer was just that--OLD! I feel kind of sorry for it (is that the appropriate pronoun? ships are called her, but computers just seem so gender neutral). Truth be told, I can actually relate to it. I feel like I lack enough virtual memory to process the situations I am faced with daily as well! Technology doesn't help with this problem. I think we just have too many options in life to process. Take my blender for example. With the push of a button, I can: grate, blend, shred, grind, mash, liquefy, frappe, stir, beat, puree, chop, whip or mix. Under any given circumstance, I have no idea which of those items I truly need, so I just hit the highest setting and hope for the best. My digital camera offers any number of settings as well and I just stick with point and shoot! And don't get me started on computers--the options are nearly limitless, especially when online! I'm always mystified by the language in the pop ups. They always seem to be asking me questions I can't answer. Just for one day, I wish my computer would ask me useful questions, for example, "Would you like a load of laundry washed, dried, folded and put away?" YES! Or how about this one, "My sensors indicate a diaper needs changing somewhere in the vicinity, would you like that taken care of?" YES! But no. The questions I get always leave me peeking through my fingers while I click on what I think might be the right answer and hoping I don't do something stupid and irreversible. Maybe some day soon, some engineer who's still wet behind the ears will come up with a brilliant idea to create a piece of technology operated by a simple on/off switch--it will be a retro-revolution! Let me know when it happens. Until then, I'll be busy reading the manual to the blender.