OnStar Toy Division

My ten-year-old, Alex, has shared that he'd be interested in learning to skateboared. There are few toys on the market that conjure up pictures of blood quite like a skateboard. To be fair to Alex, it's really his younger brother, Garrett (age 8) that I worry about. Garrett has always had trouble defining his own limitations. In a word, Garrett is: Dauntless. This will someday turn in to a tremendous character quality that will take Garrett far, but until then, it mostly just causes me to cringe!

I have come up with a solution, however. OnStar. Yep, that's right. I think toymakers should consider equipping toys--particularly fast-moving ones with wheels--with OnStar as a courteousy to parents of kids like Garrett. It would be a simpler version with a couple of differences. I imagine it this way:

First, there would be no need for hands-free calling. "Look, mom, no hands," is a phrase I already have to hear--I don't need it to apply to wireless communication in addition to reckless tricks performed at high speed by my beaming boys. Second, I would keep the blue diagnostic/information button with some small changes--I would give it to the parents on a remote and also allow OnStar to call parents if they determine an approaching disaster. That way, periodically, I could could push that button (or be automatically notified)--even if I am not in view of my boys and a friendly OnStar operator would come on and tell me--based on the position, etc. of the toy--whether my boys are trying tricks that will likely lead to injury and blood. "Well, Mrs. Graf, based on our satellite readings of the global positioning, altitude and general angle of your son's skateboard, we advise you to instruct your son to rethink his course of action." Finally, the red emergency button. Yes--only the one on the toy would notify the parent first and then we'd have a button on our remote in case we needed to bring emergency services to the scene (no sense paying for an ambulance ride you don't really need--no matter how exciting your kids might find it!).

Yes, I think I've hit on a winner here. I think it would be a big hit among parents. Sure there would be a cost involved, but it would probably be cheaper than your average emergency room visit! Maybe I should contact GM. They could use something to rev up their flagging industry....