Dancing Leaves

 

One of the unrecognized blessings of having older children is  they are involved in things outside of my influence that require drop-off and pick-up. It is not unusual to have to wait a few minutes at pick-up time. Usually, I bring something to read or occupy myself. Last week, however, I found myself waiting to pick up my daughter with nothing to fill those moments, so I began to pay attention to my surroundings....

It was a blustery day and I found a quiet calm in the warm cocoon of my van as I watched the autumn leaves flying, whooshing, skittering, spinning and dancing about. I found it fascinating how these essentially dead objects seemed to take on a life of their own in their wild ballet--but then it occurred to me that it was actually the wind which was doing the moving and the leaves were only being carried along. In fact, the leaves were merely showcasing what the wind does regularly--but because we cannot see the wind, we remain unaware of the direction it takes.

This thought has been with me a few days...and forming into truth. God's Spirit is like the wind as it says in John 3, "The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit." (verse 8) God's Spirit is always blowing in our lives...always spinning and dancing and active--we are just unable to see it generally. But, every once in a while--there is something placed in the path of that wind and we see the effects of God's Spirit. And like the leaves--I find it is often the useless, dead things that go careening about in life as if they are in an uncontrollable dance of abandon. But really, those items are just things placed in the path of God's Spirit in our lives. They are not in control of their own path--God is. His Spirit takes them where He wants them to go.

So, maybe...just maybe...I can be grateful for those things in that they are evidence that He is very much at work in my life...and I am being privileged to see the evidence of it.

Would someone please look behind the curtain

Fear...
I feel it weighing me down these days...
Dread...
of what could, will go wrong or happen...of where I will go wrong...
It all feels like too much...life...chores...the endless struggle in relationships...finances...heck, just getting out of bed...

And through it all--I sense that there are those who look to me to be a savior of sorts....and that scares me most of all.

Saviors are supposed to be perfect....capable...in control...
I feel none of those things right now.

Paralyzed.
this fear of failure makes it hard to just put one foot in front of the other.

Lord! What is the answer here?

Can they not see that the one behind the curtain is not "the Great and Powerful Oz"...just a fumbling human, feet of clay...trying to keep everything in balance and terrified of messing up?

Who hung this curtain, anyway? Was it me, Lord? Was there actually a time when I wanted them all to think I could satisfy all needs...be all-sufficient...grant them all they wanted?

Please help me to point them to "the Great and Powerful God" and admit that the dog and pony show I've been putting on isn't going to do the trick for them...or me...or anyone...

Please show me how to push back this curtain and show them all the truth and not be afraid of exposure.

Actually, Lord...please tear down the curtain and let me hide my fearful heart in You. I am ready to be exposed...

Good Soil

This week our area experienced a window of let up from the rain and "polar northwest" temps long enough for me to start getting the garden beds ready. It felt really good to yank up the weeds and clean things up in general. I thought about rallying the kids and "assigning" garden work, but I have found a much surer way to get them to gravitate out there....I simply put on my gardening shoes and gloves, grab a bucket and announce, "I'm going to work in the garden." Initially, I spend a bit of time alone (and solitude is never unwelcome), but eventually, they begin to come looking for me....and then it gets good. I don't know why, but there is something about kneeling down next to their mom pulling weeds that brings out the heart conversation in my kids. First one will come for a while and talk about things they are struggling with--then another. "When will I ever grow taller--I'm the smallest kid in my class..." "Why do you think this friend isn't texting me like they used to...I miss them and am worried that something is wrong." One after another, the contents of their hearts are spilled out and sorted through while I listen and offer comfort, advice, or simply an ear. All the while, I am amazed at how the process of getting my garden soil ready is working the "soil" of my kids' hearts....
When I finally stand up, dust off my clothes and put my bucket away, I know I've weeded out more than a few garden beds....I feel like a better mom.